G.I. Joe Review

Real American Hero

Real American Hero

Well I didnt get back from the movie until about 4 this morning so thats why this review is this late. But better late than never, right? G.I. Joe follows the story* of Duke and Ripchord, two special ops soldiers in the “not too distant future” (movies words not mine) who are commisioned to help with the delivery of a new weapon that eats metal. Their convoy is hijacked and the weapon is almost stolen. Most of their convoy is killed but they are saved by a team of elite paratroopers named the G.I. Joes.

The Joes are a supersecret team of super soldiers with super weapons and super armor. Their mission is to guard the weapon and not allow it to fall into the hands of a mysterious bad guy or something. Listen this movie is very hard to explain. I think Ive given the gist of the story so lets just get into the critique.

What a horrible, horrible movie. I mean the story is forgivable because it is a cartoon-turned-movie. You have to give it a little leeway in the believability department a la Transformers. But the level of acting in the movie is simply unforgivable. This isnt just bad acting, its terrible acting. Channing Tatum, of Rise Up fame, is in the lead role as Duke. Now I had never seen a Tatum film before so  I did not know what to expect, but how does he still have a job in Hollywood? Like im not trying to be a hater, but he cant act. If I got up on stage and started singing I would expect to be booed off. It wouldnt be hate, itd just be reality. Why hasnt anybody booed this guy off stage yet?

My second biggest problem with the movie is the level of cheese. This has to be one of the corniest movies I’ve seen in a while. I thought Transformers 2 laid it on thick, but that movie looks like Saving Private Ryan compared to this. I found myself  slapping my forehead repeatedly at the lines that were thrown out in this movie.

The next issue with the movie was that Ive seen it before, done better, and a lot funnier. Team America was hillarious because you could actually see a movie made in the same way. Team America is G.I. Joe. The same ridiculous dialogue. The same wanton destruction of Paris. The same exact story**. This movie is a huge credit to the vision of Trey Parker***.

On to the good stuff in the movie****. It’s good to see Marlon Wayans working lol. I’m glad he’s getting work outside of his own satirical comedy lane. Huge fan since the Wayans Bros tv show, so thats good. The effects werent bad. They were kind of cartooney but in the end most of it was fairly impressive.

And thats about it. I gave it a 3 out of 5 when I left the theater yesterday. I guess that holds today. So see it if your not going to pay for it, otherwise save your money*****.

*I use this term loosely

**Done better in Team America

***Never thought I would write that


*****Or use it to do something constructive….


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